Supporting Other Mamas is Best

Mamas today are constantly bombarded with overwhelming choices and expectations of what parenting should look like. These are just a few choices parents have to make: disposable diapers, cloth diapers, breast milk, formula, going back to work full time, staying at home, making organic baby food, ready made baby food, co-sleeping, and sleep training. The list goes on and on. It can be so overwhelming at times. We sometimes form these strong opinions about what is "the right way" to parent and judgement can creep into those opinions. The truth is, everyone has a different reason for their parenting decisions and that is totally OK. Rather than judging we should be supporting one another. Because let's face it, parenting is hard! Keeping a tiny human alive and trying not to lose your mind because of sleep deprivation is a real struggle.  Let me tell you a little story about two friends and how they support each other's parenting decisions.

Meet Kristen, my saving grace who was God sent during the beginning of our adoption. We met as two hopeful mamas and now have our babies home. She has the sweetest and snuggliest 3 month old ever named Adrian.

And of course you know me, Kelsey, and our Abigail Sage. Who will be 11 months tomorrow and is wide open all day long!

Earlier today Kristen and I were taking a walk (because hello it's almost 70 in March!). Right before I walk I showed Kristen my new necklace that I had been waiting on for weeks. Abigail has almost been exclusively fed on donor breast milk for a year. This is huge for us. To celebrate our year on donor milk I had a necklace made from some of the milk. You would never know it was milk jewelry and I think it's super pretty. Let's get real, Kristen thinks our obsession with donated milk is weird. And that is totally OK. I know how she feels about it and I appreciate her honesty. But even though she thinks it's weird, she's driven to Williamsburg with me to pick up milk and has let me store milk in her freezer while I spent the day at her house. Now that is a true friend.

From the outside looking in someone could see how alike our lives are. Both of are children were adopted. We've both experienced the wait before our children arrived and the wait to finalization. We both rock Birkenstocks in the summer, have nose rings, and use essential oils. And for the majority of our friendship our hair has been some shade of red for the most part. We've even shared the awkward experience of being mistaken as a couple at a baby expo. It had to be the matching Birkenstocks and nose rings. We do have a couple parenting choices in common like baby wearing (we have the same Lillebaby carrier in different patterns) and baby sleep habits (Adrian is now sleeping in Abigail's rock and play she outgrew).

Yes, we do have quite a bit in common. But the real truth is that our parenting styles are polar opposites and the amazing thing is that never once have we criticized or judged the other for those important decisions. Here's our parenting styles in a nut shell:

Kelsey
1. Cloth Diaper guru (I may have walked out of Fluffy Fannies with 5 diapers today)
2. Traveled the state multiple times for donor breast milk so Abigail could be exclusively breast fed
3. Stay at home Mama
4. Sending Abigail to Montessori until age 5 and then transitioning to private Christian school
5. Gender specific during the adoption process

Kristen
1. Disposable Diapers
2. Formula fed babe (who has the cutest round belly)
3. Going back to work full time as a high school sign language teacher
4. Sending Adrian to public school because they live in an awesome district and have great teachers
5. Did not have a gender preference during the adoption process

There you have it. A story about two best friends that respect and accept each other's parenting choices. It is possible and it's truly not that difficult. The moral of the story, let's stop judging others choices and support other Mamas. The important thing is that we love our children and are doing the best we can in raising them. Each family has different needs and all we can do is make the decision that is best for our individual families. Out of all these decisions we have to make, I personally think the most important decision is to support other Mamas on this crazy parenting journey. We could all use a little more love and kindness in today's society. Keep on fighting the good fight Mamas <3

Thy Will Be Done

The other morning Abigail and I were driving and this beautiful song came on the radio. A few lines in tears ran down my eyes. This song speaks to many things, but especially for those going through adoption. The song is called "Thy Will Be Done" by Hillary Scott and it was debuted the day Abigail was born.

I'm so confused

I know I heard you loud and clear

So, I followed through

Somehow I ended up here

I don't wanna think

I may never understand

That my broken heart is a part of your plan

When I try to pray

All I've got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

I know you're good

But this don't feel good right now

And I know you think

Of things I could never think about

It's hard to count it all joy

Distracted by the noise

Just trying to make sense

Of all your promises

Sometimes I gotta stop

Remember that you're God

And I am not

So

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will

I know you see me

I know you hear me, Lord

Your plans are for me

Goodness you have in store

I know you hear me

I know you see me, Lord

Your plans are for me

Good news you have in store

So, thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

Thy will be done

I know you see me

I know you hear me, Lord

I encourage you to search the song and listen to it because it's absolutely beautiful! For so long I questioned how my broken heart was a part of His plan. At the end of my prayers I caught my self repeating "Thy Will Be Done" frequently, because most of the time it's the only thing I could think of to pray for through the hurt. A piece of me died on April 24th, 2014 when I was told we would never have children. The piece came back to life exactly two years later when we walked out of the hospital with Abigail. That sweet smile has erased all the pain from those two years of longing for a baby. 

When I look at that sweet face I can't help but think about how everything we spoke was done. God's will was done. We spoke that we would have a baby girl named Abigail and that she would arrive in April. Many people thought we were crazy for speaking something we didn't know for certain, but in our hearts we knew this was His plan for us. What I really want to do is shout it from the rooftops that we were right about everything we spoke (except for her being born in the South, but Southern Maryland is still below the Mason Dixon line)! But, I can't take the credit because it was God's plan all along. 

After we realized that we couldn't have children we prayed about the next step and the direction we were supposed to take. I had to move so much noise out of my head and just listen. I had to be still and listen, which was much easier said than done. I learned to trust my gut when I felt God leading us in the direction we were supposed to go. We prayed about the gender of our baby and felt that God meant for us to raise a baby girl. From there we decided to call her Abigail Sage and never once did we back down on the desire to see God's plan come to life for our family. Abigail means Joy of the Father, both her earthly and heavenly father. Sage means healing and wisdom. She has made us wiser through this whole journey and has brought healing to my heart. In the Fall, just a few months after we announced our plans to adopt I prayed heavily about her arrival. My type A personality begged God for a sign of when we would meet her. At some point the month of April was laid on my heart. A few months later my friend Kristen and I were talking about when we thought our little ones would arrive and I told her that I felt that Abigail would be coming on April 24th. 

Abigail arrived on April 22nd and we left the hospital on April 24th, exactly two years to the date that I was told we would never have children. But wait, it gets better. Abigail was conceived the week we announced our plans to adopt. Mind blown. It's no coincidence. Every step of this has been God's plan for our family and I am so thankful that I stood still long enough to hear what his will would be. His will was done. We took a two year leap of faith and were rewarded in the best way possible. 

I look forward to sharing Abigail's birth story with you later on. It will take quite a while to write as so much happened in the week we were in Maryland. 

Blessings,

Tyler & Kelsey

Twas' the night before

Twas the night before Abigail's arrival and Tyler is currently at the 5,600 acre Rocky Mountain Fire and I just drank an XS energy drink and about to clean the entire house at 9:00 pm. But seriously, I can't believe we have reached the day before her arrival! Our birth mother will be induced tomorrow morning and we'll make our way up to Maryland for Abigail's arrival.

Everything is coming full circle and God's provision for our family is just ahead of us. This morning when I was thinking about what day it is (I've lost track of the days lately), I realized how significant Abigail's birthday will be. Abigail will be delivered just a few days shy of my two year anniversary of my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome diagnosis. Two years ago this month I sat in the geneticists office listening to her tell me about the harsh reality of living with EDS. It became much more than just a physical condition that I'd have to deal with for the rest of my life. She was the first of six doctors over the next several months that told me to never have biological children. I sat in the UVA parking deck that morning numb to what she had just told me. Where would we go from here?

The last two years have been anything but easy. Denial. Anger. Grief. All of the emotions that come with infertility. But eventually (after a lot of counseling and prayer) we moved on and tried to find joy in the process and embrace adoption. I never would have imagined two years ago sitting in that doctors office at UVA that we would be here today, the eve before we hold our daughter for the first time. God is good!

Continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. The next few days are not going to be easy for anyone. While this will be a very joyous time for us, we acknowledge how hard this is for our birth family. Pray for our birth mother and that her labor and delivery go well. We look forward to sharing more with you all as soon as we are able to!

Blessings,

Tyler & Kelsey

Any Day Now!

April is here, which means Abigail will be here any day! We have officially made it to her due date week! In March we were showered with love at our two baby showers by our friends and family. We got everything we needed and more to welcome Abigail into the world. Now the hard part has arrived, waiting for the phone call that our birth mother is in labor. The pack and play and car seat have been in my car for the past two weeks and last week we loaded it with two more suitcases of clothes for us and Abigail. We are ready to jump in the car as soon as we get the call. Every day we wake up wondering if today is the day and every night we lay our heads down hoping the phone will ring.

This may be the last ya'll hear from us for a while. Once we get the call we'll head to Maryland to be at the hospital when she arrives. From there the birth parents consent will be taken 24 hours after delivery and we'll be able to take Abigail with us once she is released. We'll be staying in another part of Maryland with a sweet family we know and will be there until our ICPC is signed. Once our ICPC is signed we'll be able to return to Virginia. Since we are moving forward with a Maryland adoption there is a 30 day revocation period and we'll be granted custody after this period of time. At this time I don't believe we'll be able to share any pictures of Abigail until the 30 day revocation period has passed. 

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we take our final steps to bringing Abigail home. Pray for our birth mother that her labor and delivery go well. We are so very grateful for our birth family and look forward to finally bringing Abigail home!

Blessings,
Tyler & Kelsey

Abigail is due on April 2nd!

We have waited so long to speak these words. As of April 2nd (or around that time) we will no longer be waiting for Abigail as she is due to make her grand entrance into this world. Tyler and I are so pleased to announce that we have been matched with a wonderful birth family. Our story has become only a story that God could put together for our family.

Last Saturday we received a call from a former coworker of mine that had been in contact with a family in Maryland that was planning to make an adoption plan for their baby girl that is due April 2nd. Knowing that we were looking to adopt a baby girl, she passed their information along to us! We talked with the family the next day and had a really great feeling about them and decided to meet with them today. Our lunch meeting was wonderful and we enjoyed getting to know this family in person for the first time.

This truly has all been in God's timing. Our payment with FAC has been delayed for some reason and I really think this is the reason. God could not have made a more perfect adoption story for our family. 

I can't even begin to describe the emotions. The last few weeks of waiting have been particularly hard on my mind and body. Waiting is so hard when you're so ready to have that sweet baby in your arms. We are so overcome with joy that our time has finally come. Our Abigail will be in our arms in less than 30 days. We have prayed circles around this sweet little girl and our miracle is finally on her way! All glory to God for this miracle he has given us.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support over our family. Clearly your prayers have been working!

Blessings,
Tyler & Kelsey

We are officially WAITING!

The last several weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and it's taken me a while to gather my thoughts about it all. We are overcome with gratitude as the last few weeks have been nothing short of a miracle and a blessing. On February 6th we had our adoption auction and it was overwhelming to see the support of our friends, family, and complete strangers from our community. We can't thank everyone enough for everything they did to make our auction a success! I met many new families who have adopted children and literally live right down the street from us. In the end we raised enough to cover our initial consulting fees for Faithful Adoption Consultants. It's no coincidence that we raised just enough to those fees. It was totally a God thing. For months I have been praying circles around those initial consulting fees. God is good, so good.

On February 4th, 9th, and 10th we had our three separate Home Study visits with our social worker Clair (who we love!). Everything we really well and we are currently waiting for our home study to be finalized. By having a completed home study we are officially a waiting family!

We celebrated Tyler's 25th birthday on February 8th by putting together Abigail's crib. We also celebrated finally being of age to adopt!

On February 10th we applied to Faithful Adoption Consultants and on February 12th our application was approved and we confirmed our spot with the agency. The next week on February 16th we officially signed with FAC! What a bitter sweet moment! We have been waiting months to send in this contract as we had to wait for Tyler to turn 25. 

While we have come a long day since announcing our adoption, we still have a long way to go. Now that we have signed with FAC we will put together our profile book that will be shown to birth families. We are expecting between $30,000-$40,000 in legal and placement fees in the next couple of months as we are matched and bring Abigail home. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we hope to soon be a family of 3 this Spring! 

We still have puzzle pieces available! If you are interested in adopting a puzzle piece for $25, you can donate online at https://www.youcaring.com/tyler-kelsey-burgoyne-387334 or message me for our address. 

Blessings,

Tyler & Kelsey

Adoption is about Giving

I should be frantically cleaning, but I'm not. I should be pacing around the house finding something to dust, vacuum, or mop, but I'm not. Instead I'd rather tell you what's really on my mind. The truth. The truth about adoption. I've come to realize that adoption is not about a spotless house during your home study. It's about so much more, like giving.

Adoption is messy and beautiful all at the same time. There's moments you cry for joy and cry for the loss that you're still grieving. Whether we want to admit it or not, we experienced a loss. A deep loss that can't go unrecognized. However, the amazing thing is that another mother will one day give a part of her heart to me. A part that was always missing. In return I will one day also get to give a part of my heart to another mother, Abigail's birth mother. 

We give a lot for adoption. We have given countless hours to filling out paperwork and prepping for this home study. We have given our whole heart and dedication to this process. But in the end Abigail's birth mother will give us the ultimate gift, our precious baby girl. 

Tomorrow is a big day for us, our first home study visit and home inspection. Once we have our home inspection and two sets of interviews we'll receive home study approval and we'll really be moving forward with bringing Abigail home. Keep us in your prayers tomorrow!

Blessings,

Tyler & Kelsey